Bokehlicious ~ thoughts

It was pretty rainy today, and I love this mood, it rains the wind sings and oh I adore this. I love winter. 

Differently To the other people I'd rather walk alone or with the ones I like outside. I just put my scarve, mittens -awww-, beanie on. That's it, move on my way! 

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I've made done my homework, econometrics is not that hard but the instructer hardens it a little bit. I've got D can you belive, I was expecting at least C!!! 

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After making the GREEN TEA rituel of mine, I have met with mum. 

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After months, I am sure blogging helps me more than a pscychiatrist. Actually I don't believe in them so just been for 2-3 times. Anxiety breaks me down sometimes. Fear of future, what if I fail kind of fear. Also I do not much believe in friends, I belive but my dear, no one stayed in contact with me as a real friend. All this social media is hella fake. Everyone is needy but no one gets it. Here I have some friends but cannot be sure if they are real. Or I just choose the false people. The fake ones. Egoist ones. Dunno. Lucy, my cat is my best friend and always will be. Further, my boyfriend gets me well thus I'm happy. I just leave my life, while sometime touching other people's lives. But it's mostly mine and I should keep up. These days are happiest days of my life, for now. Maybe there will be more cheerful days but somehow my mind is full of fear getting old will I find what I have imagined when I was a little child. Haven't got much years, just 10 years ago I was a little cat and painting with my watercolours. Not worrying at all. Not much toughts. Just sunshine. But the more I see I get scared. I mean, the world is cruel. Really. You have nobody. NO ONE. Everyone there is because they want something. When they get it, they disappear. Or, the second act is will be, sucking your life energy til you got it. They just do not have life energy but eats as lunch others. 

Please do not judge me, it would be personal or not. I still believe there us hope. There will be people I will meet and don't hesitate to give my inspiration. 

Bonne nuit.

Cagla.

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